See ya South Africa – Pretoria, South Africa

This is my last night in South Africa and I am a bit sad. I am sitting in front of this screen eating pizza and listening to my minidisc as loud as I possibly can to drown out the TV in the background that everyone here is transfixed by. Since leaving the coast things have been pretty blase and I have been spending alot of time alone. Sometimes by choice but more so because there is no one really that I have found to connect with.

Seems to be that the further away from the sea I get the more distant and harder people are. Oh well. Maybe its just me comparing everyone to the exceptional people I bonded with along the coast. Maybe I am missing the familiarity. Maybe I am missing the ocean and the sand. Maybe I just became used to the small town isolated beach type atmosphere. Maybe big exciting fast paced cities have now been reduced to dirty smelly overcrowded tense hamster wheels. Maybe I miss having smiles returned rather than a look of suspicious snobbery. Maybe its finally getting over my south African infatuation.

Then again, maybe its just my antimalarial medication side effects: psychiatric reactions, aggression (that would explain the foaming at the mouth viciously growling back at the guard dogs behind almost every fence…”YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME LASSIE?!?!”), agitation (that reminds me, I have laundry to do), anxiety, confusion (is it possible for Carmella to be even more confused than she already is?), convulsions ( a great excuse to kick the person snoring in the next bed…WHAMMO! Opps…sorry man, must be my meds), depression, emotional instability (there was that time that I thought my backpack was talking to me…I mean, sure maybe sometimes she feels like my only friend in the world but she`s no blood stained volleyball named Wilson, ok?), forgetfulness (forget what?), hallucinations (yah baby! bring `em on!), sensory and motor neuropathies, panic attacks, paranoia (you mean “they” aren`t watching me after all?), psychosis and restlessness (you mean its not normal to wander aimlessly around hostels at 4am?), and the best yet, suicidal ideation (oh come on now…altho I have had visions of waking in the middle of the night being strangled by my minidisc headphones…hummm).

Oh no! I think the aliens have just landed to pick me up!?! Whatever shall I do? Run? Hide? No, I am tough, I can take them on…wait…maybe they are taking me home to my home planet. Home!…or maybe they are just here to pick up Beamish. What? What was that? Are you talking to me? Do you think your better than me? You wanna fight? FIGHT ME! haha. hee. HAHA! Heehee! Ha. I wonder if I could floss myself to death…that`ll teach them…hey, where am I?

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