Inspiration and True Love

IMG_7797She said: This is inspired. I have to tell this story as much as I need to make these cards. So you may be wondering why it took this long for someone to come up with Burning Man Tarot, and who better to create them, but the Rangers! Well, there is more to this story. Mickey. What kind of playa name is that? He is Michael to me. The only time he hears “Mickey” out of my mouth is when we are on ranger radio.

So LOVE is a pretty big deal to me. I held out for a long time because I BELIEVE. I have had my heart smashed IMG_7980into a thousand pieces and there is no way I am going to let that happen again. I have had a really hard time understanding love in this life. I knew it existed and saw it all around me, but I had convinced myself true love wasn’t in the cards for me. Never-mind. I had a million other things. So what if I didn’t have a partner, a soulmate, my ONE. I decided I would be enough.

Enter: Ranger Mickey. He was a hot mess. This guy was definitely no threat to me and there was certainly no risk of me falling in love with him. Something about him though…scared me. And I am the type of woman who confronts her fears. At least I wanted to understand it. So I hung around him for a while, we rangered together. As a ranger pair, we made a good team. I could pull 20 hour shifts. No problem. He challenged me. We kept each others EGO in check. I couldn’t understand why I wanted to be around someone who was so annoying. It was pure INSANITY. I spent practically the whole week glued by his side and then ran away with barely a goodbye.

Look, most of my life I have been blessed with great insight (some people call it luck), but this is one I would have never guessed. Two years lIMG_7687ater, I am still in a bit of shock. But I am learning about love now. It’s way different than I thought it should be. It’s messy and confusing and scary and real. It’s easy to be brave when you have nothing to lose.

I have been engaged twice in my life and both times I realized it was a mistake shortly after saying yes. So a few months ago, Michael proposed and I have said yes in my heart but my head isn’t sure. Is YES the right answer? Is he the one? My ONE?

So my burn was already set up to go well as I had asked friends to mail me on playa. I would send them some playa dust in return. So several people complied and I was getting mail every other day. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I love mail. It’s like instant happy for meIMG_7640 and the mailman is my friend. Infact, Ranger Mailman is a close friend of ours and he was our neighbor this year on playa. I am facinated by mail and when I get anything, even bills or flyers, it makes my whole day. I even made a mailbox!

One fine sunny Tuesday in Black Rock City, Michael and I decided to dress up and go for a walk. We were not to work the whole day. This is a big deal. Anyone who knows Ranger Mickey knows that he is always on duty. He doesn’t know how to not work at Burning Man. He always has a radio or two or three. Mr. Radio prides himself on answering almost every “radio check.” Well, he finally met his match. It wasn’t too hard to convince him. Today was our two year annivIMG_7752ersary. No laminates, no radios, no khaki, nothing except for a tutu, a parasol, and a third eye.

We wandered through the streets and found all sorts of treats. We had fresh coffee which I got for only a kiss which I chose to give to my love. Poor Michael spun the wheel and had to twerk for his espresso. He looked confused but he learned quite quickly when someone demonstrated. We were stopped by a guy with wagon and he made us a fresh mojito in the middle of the road. Then we found our lost Timmy’s cup that we had just  gotten in Canada. We thought it was gone forever! It was shaping up to be a great day indeed.

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We decided to go meet the Man and the souk that surrounded him. We had watched it all being built all week and even did stick duty for a short while. It would be great to see how it all came together now.

The tents were bustling with visitors and wanderers and people watchers. Each tent offered something different from games to crafts to manicures to libraries of books. Every one way practicing gifting in their own way. I got a new scarf that matched my skirt exactly when I retold a favorite burning man story from my first year. It was a magical tale that I had forgotten and it was a special treat to retell it. I felt emotional as I remembered what the playa can do, when you allow it.

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We ran into our old friend Sergio near the Canadian tent. I always run into him at the strangest times. Interestingly, I just realized, I met him the same day that I first met Michael. Sergio shared that he was going on a journey, an adventure through Spain that he had been dreaming about as long as I have known him. It made my heart happy to hear that he felt encouraged by my travels. I know how traveling can change someone so I was glad to see him before he left. I can’t even imagine what stories he will come back with.

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Next, we decided to take a break and rest our weary feet. The red tent we chose was quiet and cool with a mellow vibe. We took off our shoes at the door and found a couple of plump pillows on the floor to sit on. I surveyed my surroundings and noticed someone reading cards, another giving a massages, and even an oxygen bar!

I could tell that Michael felt a little out of place being quite a skeptic of new age-y things and clearly this was out of his scientific scope. I picked up the magic 8-ball that was on the low table in front of us. I playfully shook it and asked Michael to think of a question. As it turns out, he didn’t know how it worked so I had to teach him. “It only knows how to answer YES or NO questions,” I helped him gently. I could tell he thought it was rather silly. For a second, I felt self conscious when I felt his doubt of such a foolish toy and then I remembered, he has the mind of an engineer. It was not his fault. He just needed to be shown how to believe in the power of intention.

I remembered the days long ago when I used to play with my cards and listened to what they said. I understood the guidance that thIMG_7764ey offered when I gave them the chance. I wondered when I had last played with my beloved Angel cards and felt a sudden need to touch them. I always have them with me but haven’t used them in ages. I began to feel sad for the loss when suddenly, the card reader became free. I jumped up and informed Michael quite purposefully that I was going to have my cards read. Without giving him a chance to react, I was sitting in front of the beautiful young lady. She told me her name was Mallory and I felt instantly comfortable with her. I realized that she would not scare Michael with her down to earth energy, so I asked him to come and join us. I could tell he felt a little shy but curiosity won as sat down to watch this strange ritual.

It was a simple reading. Chose ONE card from the 44 Goddess cards. Just one. That doesn’t leave a lot of room for interpretation. I had my question but dare I ask it? What if my fears are real? What if this love isn’t what I think it is? I decided to face my fear and abandon all my doubts. It was our anniversary, after all. Surely, I had to ask whether HE was the ONE. And I decided that I would listen to what the cards told me. I put all my energy and faith into my shuffling the thick deck. I asked with my whole heart, and I know that when you come from a pure place, the truth always appears.

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When I felt my question in all my heart and soul, I gave her the cards back, properly ordered to give me direction. She spread out the cards before me and I knew exactly where to go. I plucked my answer from the cards, and looked at it with anticipation. “True Love”, was the card I chose. I felt overwhelmed with joy. It was such a clear and direct answer. There was no question what it meant. I felt tears pushing behind my eyes with relief that I was in fact on the right path. I was so excited, that it was clear what it meant to me and what I had asked. Mallory looked at me with a knowing smile.

I asked Michael if he wanted to pick card, since it was so easy. He agreed to try it though he had never had a reading before in his life. I was so excited for him to take a step towards believing in gifts from the universe that you can’t quite explain. But what happened next blew me away. After he shuffled his cards for a long time he said he had his question. When he tried to chose a card from the spread Mallory laid before him, theIMG_7806 card he wanted seemed to jump away from him. He really had to work at getting it (stubborn), as it wasn’t going to come easy. He dug around at it and finally got ahold of it, trying to hide in the other cards. I was slightly embarrassed for him but amused that he had so much trouble picking a card. I was also proud of him for being so determined and knowing that was the card for him. If he didn’t care, I suppose he would have just grabbed easier one.

When he turned the elusive card over, it was none other than “True Love”. Exactly the card I had chosen a few minutes ago. I couldn’t believe it. And now I did start to cry a little, just feeling so overwhelmed by the perfection of it all. I didn’t have to worry anymore. I had put my faith in the energy of the Goddess and believed that we had channeled a divine moment. And now Michael was also inspired. He was so shocked but elated! What are the chances? I am sure he didn’t care at this moment as he looked as amazed as I felt. I know he hasn’t had any doubts, not from day one. But he could see that I struggled. And now I could tell that he felt we had passed a milesstone.

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I told Mallory that it is our anniversary today and what this means for me and us. I hugged her and thanked her profusely and asked her about her experience with this art, as she is clearly gifted. She told us she was just a beginner with reading cards. She confessed that didn’t even have her own deck, that these cards belonged to someone else. She said she was going to get some right away once she got home.

 

Immediately I knew I had to give her my Angel cards. It was the same strong feeling I have had in the past when there was no if ands or buts. I question most things, just to be sure, but in these moments, its a strong knowing. Even if I don’t understand it or want to, I have to do it. I asked her when she would be there again and she told me she only had one more shift left. I found out where she was camped just in case I missed her. I didn’t tell her why but I said I would see her again soon. I was a little bit sad to have to give up my favorite cards that I had used for so long and had traveled all around the world with me. But I knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, I had bought those cards for myself and cards work better when they are gifted.

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As we walked back home, I was walking on air. All the doubt that I had allowed to cloud my intuition and knowing, had disappeared. I felt like my first year on the playa, when I had mystical moments of wonder every day. It was common then because I believed in it, and couldn’t imagine life without it. We walked hand in hand and I felt like I was beaming brighter than the sun. Finally, I get True Love.

We found a bowling alley in the middle of the playa our way home, so we decided to have a game. And I ended up getting a strike! One ball and I knocked them all down. I am not a great bowler, especially not on a wooden bowling alley covered in dust. I figured it was just my luck…and I remembered that we make our luck. I don’t know if I could get any higher. I was winning today.

As we had our anniversary dinner in the commissary, where we had met, we talked about how today could not have gone better if we had planned it. The food was amazing that day, the pot roast was so tender and the potatoes were just right with the salty gravy. After we ate, we went home and relaxed from the perfect day. It was a special day that I will never forget.

 

IMG_7816I realize the word “Magic” doesn’t make sense for alot of people. They perhaps related to something negative as illusion or trickery. I don’t think of it that way all though I understand how it could feel that way if you were programmed that way since a child, as I was. It took a long time to get over clumsy wording. I was taught “magic” or anything mystical was wrong and evil and would lead to my destruction. (Some organized religions can be very stifling and discouraging if you don’t fit into their mold) What a terrible feeling when I realized so young that a deep part of me was considered evil and dangerous. I suppressed it for years and felt like secretly, I was bad.

 

Then I went away from what I knew and all the people who had taught it to me. I left and traveled around the world, where I learned, I was just fine. Infact, I was awesome! I learned about “sychronycity”, a word which was more acceptable. So over the years, I embraced my “intuition” and noticed the many schronycities. But now I know its all the same thing. “Synchronicity is defined by Jung as a meaningful coincidence of an external event with a psychic event, such as a dream, fantasy, or thought. These events coincide in time in a way that gives them meaning for the observer. That is, they seem like communications between a divine force and ourselves, and they confirm that there is a connection or interaction between our psyche and physical reality.”

The story seems like it should end here, doesn’t it? But no, there is more. Of course, there is more! I promised you inspiration.

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The next day, I got a message that a package had arrived at the post office for me. We were working and decided to stop by on our rounds of the city. I had been expecting a package from Leanne, a dear friend who I connected with years ago at a festival in Canada. We were both spinning flags and hit it off instantly. I love her so much but really haven’t spent enough time with her. She is the kind of friend that I can feel 1000 miles away, she is very strong in her energy. So I was curious to know what she had sent me. When I got the box, I could barely open it fast enough. And you’ll never guess what was inside? Some sage, a crystal, and a brand new set of exactly the Angel cards that I was about to gift to Mallory. The playa provides.

So, after some doing, I did finally find Mallory’s camp but no Mallory. I decided to leave the cards there for her at her tent. The gift was enough and it wasn’t meant for me to see her again. A true gift expects nothing in return. It was an honor to be able to gift a talented woman her first set of cards. I was so happy at the thought of her finding the cards and reading the note I wrote inside. My best playa gift so far, I am sure. It felt so divine.

This is our inspiration for creating the set of Playa Tarot cards. It is meant for me to learn the Tarot to sharpen my intuition and strengthen my belief in myself. Michael is learning to overcome his prejudice of all things mystical and unknown. Some thIMG_8064ings just can’t be explained. It’s important for us to spread the message that magic can and does happen, if we allow it. And this is our way of letting you bring the power of the playa with you everywhere you go.

 

He said:

http://youtu.be/DqM89Iblt48

http://www.sattlers.org/the-burning-man-rangers-tarot/

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Happy to be Homeless

I feel so tired. I just finished packing up my place and storing everything. I turn over the keys tomorrow to my new tenant and then I am officially…well, homeless. That’s an odd thought. But oddly freeing. In exactly a week I will be wandering South Beach Miami and hopefully enjoying Joe’s Stone Crabs. After the last couple days of  lower than normal freezing temperatures, I am ready. I am more than ready really but I suppose it will be nice to chill (sorry, I had to) with family. Who knows when I will see them again…certainly not I. So I intend to soak up every bit of them and their love before I head off on my next big adventure.


I have been checking off my do-it-now list. Its been a lot easier than I make out in my head. It seems to always be that way. I generally stress myself unnecessarily for as long as humanly possible before it becomes so absolutely uncomfortable I just race through the task like a bullet on a mission. But I don’t know what has changed because now I am much more relaxed, systematic, and am even (dare I say it) having fun getting stuff done. I guess I realize that it is a privilege to have these errands and I focus more on the fact that I am just that much closer to hitting the road.

One really amazing thing that has never happened before and I never would have guessed in a million years would ever be my reality was the completion of my taxes early. I mean REALLY early. In the past, I am that person who dreads the piles of papers which I never seem to be able to file in any kind of organized manner (yes its an Aquarian thing). I let myself get thrown into a full out panic attack until two days before the deadline when finally I go nuts and plow through it in a day. Last year, I managed to do it a month early and that was a bizarre feeling that I thought was an anomaly. But, now because I will be gone for the year,  I have done it five months early and it only took three hours. I don’t know who this new person is who has taken over my body but I like her. She can stay.

So I seem to be more organized  and efficient these days. I even hosted a going away par-tea at my condo last night to get some last minute love from my friends here in town. I was touched by how emotional I felt that I have such good support. I really do love my friends and its so nice to know they love me too. So after about 23 cups of tea in less than 5 hours I was pretty wired. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep all that soundly and was wide away at 6am.

I decided to read the paper by my favorite window and watch the morning traffic. I always find myself mesmerized by the stream of cars slowly (and some not so slowly) making their way down Walterdale Hill. I love to study the cadence of the bundled up people walking to work or university or going for their morning jog. Oh yes, we Canucks are a nutty bunch. There are herds of diehard runners who love to get their fitness on, no matter what the weather conditions. I get the best view from my bedroom window which faces the intersection south of the High Level bridge, a favorite route for these dedicated athletes. It never ceases to amaze me that pretty much any hour of the day or night there will inevitably be some lone soul sprinting down the river valley paths. Who trains at 3:45am in the dead of winter during a snowstorm? Edmontonians do. We are hardcore. (See photo in today’s Edmonton Journal of two girls jumping in freezing cold pool as part of a fundraiser…*love* the facial expressions. One screams in fear “OMG, what was I thinking!” and the other bellyflops yelling “F*ck Yeah! Bring It!” When faced with the icy waters of life, which one are you?)


One of my favorite games is to find one person who is coming down the street  then training my eye on them to follow them, guessing which way they will go and making up a story about their final destination. I always get quite a kick out of the funny little dances they do at the crosswalks to keep warm while waiting for the light to change. I was really moved the other day when I watched two ladies come out of the HighLevel Diner and hugged goodbye for just a second longer than would be considered normal. As they parted and took off in opposite directions to their cars, I decided they were long lost sisters that had finally reunited. It made me smile.

Well its my last night in my bed, my beloved king size cloud of luxury and contentment. I will miss this space the most, as it is where all of the best magic happens. Oh get your head out of the gutter, I mean my dreams. I have been having some fantastic ones lately and I know its because I am so very comfortable. Its getting late, almost midnight so I will not delay my final indulgence of this wonderful pleasure another moment. Good night.

Grateful for comfort.


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Endless Possibilities

So here’s the thing. It’s really hard to pick up blogging once you have let a lot of time lapse. It’s much like getting back on that proverbial horse. I also used to get this feeling with work, when I used to be stuck in a cube in front of a computer screen surrounded by towers of papers screaming deadlines at me. I never felt I could get ahead as there was always, ALWAYS more to do. Catching up was some mythical place I had never been to and it seemed the harder I tried, the more work would come. How did that happen? I see now in hindsight that it was almost like an addiction…work. I guess as an over-achiever I felt important and useful but that was not worth the well being and balance I sacrificed. Anyway, this feeling of never doing/being/having enough overcame me and caused my eventual downfall. These days, I am so glad of that. I am lucky to have had an internal failsafe switch which manifested in a somewhat nervous breakdown. It was the only  way I would stop and realized this ridiculous race I was running could never be won.

Though catching up my writing is not nearly as high pressure, I realize that there are a lot of details that will forever be lost in the cracks and crevices of my mind. Oh well. It happens. And perhaps its for the best this time. These past six months have been quite awesome in so many ways and I think that time has been an integral part of the understanding of just how awesome. I mean, there has been an undertone of mystery that has played a role in my recent travels and much foreshadowing that could only be explained much later. So perhaps I will go back there and delve into some of these phenomenal stories. Maybe I won’t. But what I will do is start now. Because I am at the beginning of a new book. And I finally feel ready to write again.

I am leaving in a week for another great adventure. Back in August I began a roadtrip which included pulling my little 13 foot Trillium trailer from Canada through Montana, Idaho, Nevada, and California. I flew over to Colorado for a week and have now stashed my car and trailer down on the California coast to have a short month in Canada before heading back down to the warm. I have had a magical time at Burning Man, made oodles of new friends, and had some of my most serene moments with Mother Nature herself. Its been a wild ride. And its not over yet.

I came back to Canada to see if I could rent my condo out for the winter. In all honesty, I didn’t try very hard. I placed an ad on a couple obscure rental sites and then forgot about it. I then busied myself with visiting friends and family whom I have come to realize, are a very important part of my life. I mean, I always love them from afar but I think its important to reconnect regularly. I am beginning to understand the value of relationship maintenance. Best investment ever.

Suddenly when I had all but conceded to having to dodge the snowflakes for the next few months, I got a phone call. It was pretty much the perfect tenant wanting to rent my place for the winter. I had had minimal interest up till now and noone had passed the initial screening process. But my gut told me this one was different. I was in Calgary making my rounds, but something inside me told me I had better scurry back up north to show this prospect my pad. It was a good choice indeed and within hours of him viewing the condo, we were signing papers. It took me a day or so to realize…I am free. I canceled the belly dancing and pottery courses I had signed myself up for to get my through the Canadian deep freeze, and began sussing out my options. London, Turkey, New Zealand, Oz, South Africa…those few are prominent at this moment.

The last time I had this feeling was back in 2002 when I really didn’t have a clue. This time I understand the gravity of my position. And I am not only extremely grateful but super excited. In a week,  I am heading down to Miami to jump on a ship which will take me to Grand  Caymen, Mexico, and Honduras. Hopefully I will get a little sun and scuba which can thaw the impeding chill. As I write this, I am watching my first major blizzard of the year out my window and a trillion icy reminders of why I am so lucky.

Grateful for freedom.


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Try Not Meditation

Meditating is something I have been meaning to do for a long time. It is one goal that seems to always make it into my top ten list and has for as long as I can remember. I am not sure why it seems so hard for me to stick to it.

Perhaps it is because I have told myself I am not good at it. It never fails that as soon as I start, not 5 minutes will pass by before some nagging itch will need scratching. Or some muscle will ache begging for a little readjustment. Worst offenders are the hiccups and persistent twitches. They are sneaky saboteurs. Then my monkey mind will start with the “maybe I should be laying down instead”…Long past are the days I fell for that one. read more

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Hunting for Harmony

In my perfect world, balance and growth would be integral. I have had experience in intense growth but at a cost. I used to believe that it was necessary to visit extremes in order to stimulate rapid development. While this may work in some situations, there is no body that can sustain constant barrage of assault without compromising integrity. Burnout out is most often reached by those who do not monitor themselves and maintain their equilibrium. read more

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My Voice My Vote – Use it or Lose it

I have only voted once. There. I said it. It`s really quite embarrassing for me to admit that now. It wasn`t always though because I used to justify not voting with the fact that I am not interested in politics. Infact, I would even go as far as to proclaim that I don`t “believe” in politics. Ug. read more

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The Abundance Mentality

So it looks like this virtual junk war has triggered a full out offensive. The heat inside my chest to rid myself of this nonsense I have been holding on to is building. It started with my digital photo folder is spreading like a virus motivating me to wipe out all unnecessary items that have somehow seeped their way into my presence. The relentless hanger on-ers are about to be ousted. It began in my virtual closet but the visual clutter on and around my computer desk is no longer sheltered in my peripheral. read more

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Refining Discrimination

I just realized I have too much stuff. Last time I had this feeling I sold or gave away everything I owned. I am hoping I won`t have to take such drastic measures this time. The feeling began a few days ago and is still going strong. read more

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Death to taxes

The trip is getting closer and my excitement is growing with each day. It`s been far too long since I have gone away which is probably one of the reasons I am letting myself get so worked up. All the planning is done, tickets are bought and reservations made. I usually don`t go into it so organized but this time is was necessary. The Miami Music Conference has made it next to impossible to get accommodation as everything was sold out months ago. Luckily, after calling back a few times we got in thanks to Audrianna persistence in finding a cancellation. read more

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Newly Discovered

So here I am. I am at the end of another year. My first winter. I attended a Winter Soulstice ceremony. I decided that it would be a good idea to actually recognize my first winter in how many years? The longest night. The darkest. I walked the labyrinth and the thoughts that came to me were quite unexpected. I reflected over the past year. Wow. So much has happened. I have changed countries. I have changed hemispheres. I have come home. I watch the snow outside and wonder how I used to hate it. read more

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