Down and almost out – Baga, India

Man I am taking a beating. I feel like I am being tested in some way. I am starting to question and doubt everything and thought I have. I am so tired. And I am so unbelievably lonely.

I am sitting at an internet cafe now because my iphone has been stolen. The only thing I really worried about happening did. There was a lot on there that cannot be replaced. Sucks. More than that was the fact that I was targeted. I was at the Saturday Night Market here in Goa and while I was in a shop trying on a skirt, the bag was taken from the bench. I know its my own stupidity. But I am pretty sure I know who it was. You know when you get that weird feeling. And when I reported it, the manager of the market said they had a problem last year with a Russian theft ring.

Anyway I am also really sick right now. I have had big ups and downs with the people I have been meeting. Some are really kind and others are downright nasty. It seems there is no in between. I need a hug. I want familiarity. I need to be able to trust someone. I am getting so depressed. I am trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself. I am thinking about going home…but something tells me that this feeling will follow me. I am not really thinking all that straight.

After Pune, I came to Goa and spent Xmas with a bunch of strangers. It was nice and true to form, I ate too much. I have been having some questionable interactions with people and am having a hard time not feeling crazy. I am really not used to experiencing such negativity much less drowning in it.

New Years Eve was a great time and I got to know some people who I spent alot of time with over the next few days. A heavy partying bunch they were wonderful when my stuff got stolen…they whisked me away to a beach down south where they wouldn’t let me think about my worries. But now I am home in my rented flat again…alone…and stressed. I can’t replace my BMO bank card without a ton of problems. They sure don’t cater to troubled travelers. I am lucky I have my CIBC card still.

I am afraid of asking for help from anyone right now…I am feeling so fragile. I hate being this way.

Today I am not feeling very grateful. I guess I am alive. That’s something, I guess.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Down and almost out – Baga, India

  1. allen says:

    Pleased to see you back on-line again after your Christmas/New Year break but saddened to read of your current troubles after what has been a very interesting few months since meeting you on our flight from Calgary. You will be well soon, will know who to trust and will soon again continue your exciting journey, like your cruise down the Coast of Egypt which we will also travel in April on our way to Dubai. Take care and get well soon. Allen & Joyce. Isle of Man.

    • admin says:

      It’s so wonderful to hear from you Allen and Joyce! I am pleased that you found the site. Things have looked up quite a bit for me here in India. I am really liking it now. You are right about recovery…it happened and now I am full of energy. You must be excited about heading down to Dubai and escaping the UK for a bit. Enjoy your trip and lets keep in touch 🙂

  2. Jojo says:

    Hi Carmella,
    It’s Jodie. I contacted you a while back to say how much I had enjoyed your travelpod blogs. I don’t get to log in and keep track of what you are up to as much these days but I have a lazy Sunday ahead of me for a change and noticed your updates from India on faceboog so thought I would log in to catch up! I am so pleased you are releasing your blogs as a book! I will be making my pledge to purchase one. You write so honestly.
    I’m sorry to hear India is getting you down, I have never been so I can only imagine, and again, this is where your writing had me addicted. The finer details of every new corner of the globe you discovered come to life.
    As much as I love my “me time”, I am very much a person who, if in a bad place in my own mind, and left with too much time to think can end up in the darkest of moods. Sometimes I forget just how much I rely on the day to day chit-chat and general banter that comes from simply being around people.
    I’m sure you will meet some fantastic people on your journey through India, just as you have in many countries all over the world, and they will make your experience worthwhile.

    Stay safe, enjoy the sunshine, keep writing and remember that you inspire so many

    Jodie x

    • admin says:

      Thank you so much Jodie. Your words mean a lot to me. I got this message and it made my whole week. Cheers for that!

      I am liking India a lot more these days. I am also getting the book ready for publishing. Its going to be pretty awesome, me thinks.

Leave a Reply