Try Not Meditation

Meditating is something I have been meaning to do for a long time. It is one goal that seems to always make it into my top ten list and has for as long as I can remember. I am not sure why it seems so hard for me to stick to it.

Perhaps it is because I have told myself I am not good at it. It never fails that as soon as I start, not 5 minutes will pass by before some nagging itch will need scratching. Or some muscle will ache begging for a little readjustment. Worst offenders are the hiccups and persistent twitches. They are sneaky saboteurs. Then my monkey mind will start with the “maybe I should be laying down instead”…Long past are the days I fell for that one.

Maybe my aversion to mediation is the fact that it was one of my punishments as a child. My mother would give us “The Chair” when we did anything disobedient. She would just have to say “Five Minutes” and we would all groan. With every naughty choice we’d make, it would double. Let me tell you, 30 minutes is a LONG time to have to sit completely still in silence when you’re four. Just one peep and minutes would be tacked on to the sentence. And the worst was that when one of us misbehaved, we all had to pay the price. Since I was the youngest and most mischievous, it’s no wonder my brother and sister resented me so much. In any case, The Chair seems similar to many mediation techniques so my resistance is not particularly mysterious.

Most of all, I would credit my poor body choices with my lack of dedication to this practice. It is obvious that an unbalanced diet could affect ones ability to function smoothly. I am sure that the chemicals, alcohol, and processed foods played a huge role in my lack of balance. Now that I have omitted unhealthful choices from my menu, my sleep has stabilized and my energy to exercise has increased. Every day I am more amazed at how connected my physical health is to all I do. Most people probably know this but I am just learning now. I have been out of balance for…well, forever it seems.

So while I am far from mastering meditation, I appear to be well on my way. I guess the trick is not to attempt an hour of deep breathing and emptying my mind. That is way too daunting. I think five minute increments are about my speed. Thanks for that Mum. And really, I don’t seem to have to try so hard to meditate now. It seems to be “just happening.”

Oh. Maybe that’s the point.

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