Day 1 of 60

Monday I went to class at 6am but about 4 poses in, I had to leave the room. I have never left the room as it is just something you don`t do. It is disruptive to others and also to your own body. But I was on the verge of throwing up so I made eye contact with Andrea the instructor before slipping out the door.

I didn`t actually get sick but I am sure I would have had I not left. I just sat for a few moments in the bathroom then on the bench outside the room. I noticed my face looked grey and sallow when I looked in the mirror. I wondered if I should have drank that coconut water before class. I thought I should have as I felt a little transparent, but then I didn`t and yes, I should have.

I only missed 1.5 postures but I was down on myself about the whole thing. I felt terrible like I had failed. It was really hard to find compassion for my body letting me down and my mind not being stronger. But in the end, I was able to come to a gentle conclusion that this too, was a part of my practice. And how I dealt with it was a test as well. Once I was able to accept that, I felt a lot better. And now it feels like a win.

Grateful for tests.

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