Just a little black rain cloud

Argh. I am having an off day. THE CAT has gone into heat again for the third time in three weeks. If she wasn`t scheduled to go in tomorrow to be fixed, I would probably move out. I have acquired another cat as well for the time being. I don`t know how it will work out but at least until she finds another home, she is staying here. I couldn`t bear to see her taken to the humane society so I told Stephanie I would take her. She and Magic don`t get along. So cat fights galore add to my stress levels.

I am also finding that many people close to me are going through some sort of depression or “blues” in this moment. I have been as patient as I can and listening without taking it on or in to myself. I want to help but I don`t know how and I am feeling limited. My usual optimism is being invaded by bouts of crabbiness and my tolerance is lower than usual. It would be different if it was just one or two people but whatever this dark cloud is, it seems to be affecting more than half of the people in my life. As much as I try to stay neutral, I am beginning to slip into it myself. Maybe it`s the January Blues (tell them that its February now!) and maybe it`s the impending Full Moon. Whatever it is, I am deciding right now, that it won`t become part of me. As I stand in stillness, the darkest part passes through me bringing forth light.

So I am doing my best to focus on my work which is probably good because there is no shortage of it. I find myself busier by the minute and if I don`t write things down, they are getting lost in the mess of my head. So I have notes scribbled everywhere on everything in every kind of form. When I went through 3 pens in one day, I resorted to marker, crayon and pencil.

Ok, I know none of this is of any consequence…I just wanted to write because sometimes it makes me feel better. Along with exercise and eating well, it`s one of my weapons against inner doom and gloom. And I needed a bit of perspective. I don`t know that I got any but at least the fervent tapping of the computer keys drowned out the yowling cat noises in the background.

In any case, the condo stuff has all worked out well and I even found a wonderful new tenant for my place. The move should take place in a couple weeks and I don`t have to worry about packing. I will just carry things to the elevator and then down the hall into my new place. Easy peasy.

Last weekend I got a nice surprise when my sister and nephews picked me up on Saturday morning. After giving me my birthday presents, they took me out for lunch and we got to have my favorite Banana Split with cheesecake on top…mmmmm. We had a great time and we all quite full by then end of it. For the most part, I caught up on the goings on of my sister and nephews lives.

One thing that really disturbed me was when my 10 year old nephew asked me why it`s not ok to hit someone. I told him that it was against the law and one could go to jail for such a thing. He then asked me why it was ok for people to play war games? Before I could think of an answer, he went on to inquire why the governments didn`t have to go to jail?

“When people go to war, they don`t just beat people up. They kill them! Why is that ok?”

Part of me was saddened by the heaviness that children must bear but a bigger part of me feels encouraged by their awareness. The fact that our little ones are asking these questions, gives me hope that the world is becoming a better place. I see that what we have let become acceptable morally is being questioned by the future. I see that there are some who will not tolerate hypocritical and contradictory behavior.

I guess turbulence and discontent is a good thing. It pushes us to be better, to do better and to find another way. I suppose things must get uncomfortable enough to spur change. Sometimes things must get worse before they get better. I am glad to know that things are changing in our world and that those who will make a difference are waking up.

Grateful for dark clouds.

One thing that cheers me, is this song I used to sing when I was a little girl…it`s from Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree.

“I`m just a little black rain cloud
Hovering under the honey tree
I`m just a little black rain cloud
Pay no attention to little me
Everyone knows that a rain cloud
Never eats honey, no, not a nip
I`m just floating around over the ground
Wondering where I will drip”

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