Adopting my Gnome – Black Rock City, Nevada, United States

I arrived to Gnome Camp to find that I was just in time to make a gnomedome. I greeted my fellow crafters who were busy cutting, pasting, pinning and decorating their pointy little hats. I chose a pink furry material and cut lavender purple felt into the Burning Man symbol which looks sort of like this: )`( After I pasted it on, I added a few green leaves and stuck a big pink flower on the top. It fit my head alright but I thought it would be helpful to string a thin strap to go under my chin. There would need to be something to secure it from the crazy gusts of wind that are so frequent on the playa.

I had sometime to spare before the adoptions would take place so I checked out some of the neighbouring camps. I wandered over to Suncreen Station where I got my daily dose of SPF applied with a complimentary massage. I munched on cookies and lemonade then gifted them with a little stuffed dinosaur that they could use for their mascot. One of my favorite things about BM is the gifting and generosity that takes place. Today I was gifting beanie babies, happy face stamps and gold glittery tattoos. Whenever I would notice someone smiling, I would mark them with my happy face stamp that I had on a string around my neck.

I bypassed Nakid Misted Twister and Tricycle Alley Racing as I didn`t think I had time to commit to full game. I stopped into Porn and Eggs Camp where they served me up with a drink, donuts and slapped a tattoo on my butt. I showed them a more interesting way to apply the press on tatoos than using thier old boring water and sponge tactic. They quickly caught on and wondered why they hadn`t thought the Kiss Method first. In gratitude, I was awarded a “One free kiss” token in which they assured me I could reuse over and over again.

I zipped back over to Gnome Camp and waited for my interview with the other expectant parents. We all discussed what experiences and qualities qualified us to have one of these adorable little creatures. I think I had the most convincing argument as after all, I am a Cosmic Elf. We belong to the same species! When my turn came, I nervously made my way to the front where I was quizzed up the wazoo. A few minutes later, I must have passed the grueling questioning session because I was the proud mommy of a garden gnome!

I chose there were three to chose from: one sporting a pick, one gripping a watering can and one with a red radish. I picked the latter, named him Gnoman and borrowed a black marker from to alter him just a little. I colored dots on the red radish he was holding and made it into a black spotted red mushroom. Now Gnoman was truly mine, a mushroom lover just like his mommy. The adoption agency nodded in approval and commented they could already tell Gnoman would be well cared for.

After the Oath, they handed me a disposable digital camera to take pictures of my gnome (think “Amelie”). They made sure to stress the last clause on the pledge promising that I would “return the camera cuz that sh*t was expensive, Yo!” I thanked them profusely and skipped off with my handsome little bearded baby.

My new baby fit perfectly in my bike basket so I donned my gnomehat and we were on our way. We made a quick stop at Fairyland to make some sock poi out of long striped socks and tennis balls. Afterwards I decided that it as good a time as any to go looking for a playpal to help me take care of Gnoman. I parked my bike at the racks (thank god because my kickstand was deteriorating by the second) and headed into Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.

Grateful for Gnomes.

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