Land of Confusion

I know I haven`t written in a while. Things have been weird. I don`t really know where to begin. Easter Saturday I spent with some of my family but didn`t really say much. I was feeling a little under the weather but that wasn`t why I was quiet. I wanted to contribute but I couldn`t find it in me. I couldn`t rustle up the energy to add the next line of what felt like a theatre act. It just felt too forced.

I guess I just have been having troubles feeling connected. I sometimes feel like a ghost hovering around not really getting too deep into anything. The passion is lacking and my spirit is flat. I am sure that I can turn this thing around. I am a pretty powerful mind.

I have a lot to be grateful for if I can just remember to appreciate that. I know that I create my happiness and that I have control over how I feel. But for some reason, I am dragging my feet. I am genuinely confused at the moment. Living in limbo and not sure how to get out. Maybe I need to try harder.

Saturday nite, I went out to a party with some friends until dawn. Sunday morning the party continued as we watched Alice in Wonderland and I wore the bunny ears. We went for a beer run and I decided to keep the bunny hat on as it was snowing. Yeah. Seriously. It was +15 C yesterday and this morning we had snowflakes the size of marshmallows coming down from the sky in hoards. The most bizarre weather, I tell you. The folks sure did get a kick out of the Easter Bunny coming in to buy chocolate eggs from their store.

So I am on a mission to feel better. I know these things take time. I am just going to keep plugging away trying to stack the odds in my favor. I will keep doing all the little things that are supposed to help.

I know that as summer approaches, my mood will naturally lighten. It`s the way it is with me. I am still quite bewildered but I have managed to secure one foot on the ground. At least now I have some idea of what I am confused about. I think.

Today I am grateful for silence.

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