Gaining Ground

Before my trip, I never really paid much attention to media. Had a hard time watching television much and newspapers became too tedious. I don`t want to ever be able to just sit and watch disaster and not be affected. Aside from gratuitous violence which I don`t find entertaining in the best of times there is the news.

Natural disasters, violence, and calamity is shown destroying lives, close to home or in some remote land. People, humans just like us, in agony while we carry on with our daily routine. I guess I just don`t ever want to get to the point of being numb (or indifferent) to human pain and suffering. I am not trying to stick my head it the sand. Believe me, I know it`s there. I have scars to remind me. That is enough.

The extent of my “informedness” would be skimming the net for anything interesting or truly newsworthy. I found that anything of extreme importance would be relayed to me in passing conversations. I am not now nor probably ever will be up to date on pop culture. I suppose I enjoy having others explain it to me from their eyes. It is quite entertaining how many people see the same event so dramatically differently.

While I traveled I became very much more isolated. I didn`t carry a cell phone and generally didn`t stay in one spot for very long. I could not be contacted any other way than email. So pretty much on my terms. My interpersonal communications became just that much more personal as I made the effort to talk to just about everyone. I got used to this way of living and coming home has been a shift.

My tolerance for newspapers and radio is very low. I find myself being more selective with where I focus. I still don`t watch TV and won`t get a landline. I do have a cell phone but the use is very limited. It`s a non-commital pay as you go, no contract dealie. I do not enjoy sending text messages and probably won`t attempt to excel at it. I still communicate primarily through emails or MSN. Ultimately though, I prefer face to face in person relationships.

It`s still hard to open up and trust. It takes some doing to stick around when things are not going well. I got used to just moving on when things were not working out but recently I seem to have swung to the other extreme. I have held onto unhealthy decisions long past their due date in hopes of turning them around. My stubborn determined nature mixed with my undying optimism not to mention the fact that sometimes it`s hard to admit failure. I guess I am learning the difference between giving in and giving up. There is great wisdom in letting go of what is not serving your higher self.

I have to make a constant effort to consistently cultivate my new relationships. Working from home, I find it very easy to get caught up in my own little “world” and my created reality. I am very grateful to have been blessed with such a fine group of people to surround myself with. They call on me when I have been “absent” and show genuine concern. Initially, I remember feeling surprised and touched that they cared and had missed me. Then I remembered that that is what friends do.

Because I live on the edge of the city, I do find myself a bit removed. The other weekend when there was a huge snowstorm, I didn`t leave the house for almost a week. My car was snowed in and I am not really within walking distance to very much. I actually found it a very peaceful experience. I spent a lot of time just thinking and enjoying the silence.

But now the snow is melting and my car is mobile again. I can resume my weekly activities but I find myself taking my time. I don`t need to run at any pace other than my own. I don`t want to rush through my life. I have spent a lot of energy learning to live in the moment. Something I am remembering is integral to my health. I am learning it is absolutely critical to re-evaluate your present position and direction regularly if you want to stay on course.

I have let myself get a little off track in the past few months but my senses seem to be stabilizing. The parties have lessened and the dramas have waned. I admit I was probably trying to distract myself from the shock of coming home and settling down. I am making better choices and am regaining that oh so delicate balance. It has been one short week and I am already seeing tremendous results from my new approach at living well.

I highly doubt I will ever “fit in” as I really never did before I traveled. But the difference is that I have learned not to see it as a bad thing. Now I see it as an asset and am grateful. It affords me a courageous perspective along my journey in this crazy but beautiful world.

Today I am grateful for the un-ordinary…otherwise known as extraordinary.

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