The Carm Crash

So after the party (8am ending) I spent the day at Thads house helping Mel celebrate her birthday. I didn`t get out of there until past 9pm so when my head hit the pillow, I slept. The next two days everything mental, physical and emotional pretty much caught up with me. I basically felt like I got hit by a convoy of Mack trucks…again again and again. This is all I have from those two days:

I am so tired. I actually feel weak. I can`t tackle too much at a time. Or I get sweaty and out of breath. When I sleep I don`t really feel rested and I have to drag my eyes open and summon all my energy to move.

I slept in my house last night for the first time in 3.5 years. It was deathly quiet. I pulled out the few bags and boxes that I had stored in my basement cubbyhole. I found lots of things I didn`t know I kept. I have the basics like blankets, pillows and towels. Then I found a toaster and bowls and pots and cutlery. But no plates. I found a turkey baster and whisk but no can opener or spatula. Interesting the things I kept.

I can`t even keep myself conscious long enough to keep writing. This is a crash to end all crashes. But if I am going to total myself, I am glad I ended up here. I have been out of commission with no contact with anyone. If I didn`t know better, I would drag myself to the doctor because I have never felt so drained. Never. Not even close. This is way more than a physical thing. This is like the blackout that sometimes happens after someone runs a marathon. But the redeeming thought that sticks in the back of my mind is: I did it.

Today I am grateful for recovery.

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