It`s Nice to be Nice – Buenos Aires, Argentina

Ok. Here I am again…back after living in Argentina for a year and some…and I am about to go home. I suppose it was more my therapy than anything else. If you`re really interested, go ahead and read my writings of my time in Buenos Aires and read but I warn you that it can be really brutal. For all others, a summary should do. Here goes, one year of Carmella all in one breath…

In short: It didn`t work out with the boy, I taught some English, I learned a bit of Spanish, I partied a lot, my cousin came to visit, we traveled the country a bit, made some friends (including an extraordinary kitten), lost myself and got sick, found myself and got healthy…Now I am finally going home. (breathe!) Was a good end to a long three-year trip…half traveling and half living in a foreign country.

I suppose now I have to “bake some cookies” to fill up my “cookie jar” as the “cookie monster” has struck again. Altho I am getting better at identifying them, I was ridiculously blind here. All I can say is: listen to that gut feeling. It`s there for a reason. There were three occasions I had the strong instinct to run away but I didn`t. I sure would have saved myself a lot of trouble if I would have just trusted myself and not someone else`s agenda. Oh well, live and learn.

NOTE: This next part is written by someone who is a little jaded but not bitter. Perhaps I was spoiled after having been around travelers so long and well, they really are a different breed. Yeah, the following may be harsh but I just want you to know as altruistic as I`d like to be, well…then there is reality.

For a while there, I was attracting crazy-makers into my life like bees to honey. And did I ever get stung! I`ll choose to look at it as some kind of whacked up test of sanity. Fortunately, I came to my senses in time and removed from these toxic people from my life. I survived but just. For all the angels I`ve met, I seemed to have met their counterpart demons all concentrated into a few bodies. Since I couldn`t fight back at the time, I have something I need to get off my chest.

Here is a message for you: don`t kick people when they`re down and don`t be cruel. In case you didn`t know…and if you did know? Then hear me yell as I run (not walk) the other way, a very earnest “See ya! Wouldn`t wanna be ya!” I won`t be standing even remotely close to you when your sh*t hits the fan. FYI: When one is too weak to defend themselves, there is a balancing energy that justifies the situation. Sooner or later. So Meanies far and wide: beware when karma comes knocking to collect. If you don`t answer with serious repentance, they`ll bash your door down and beat the living daylights out of you making you wish you were dead.

The worst part? You never know when they`re coming. But what goes around comes comes around, mega. We all know this deep down. Its a truth. So I guess the real question is, why are you hurting yourself? I didn`t want to believe that there is such evil out there but some people are just sick. I guess some people think they like pain. Perhaps its all they know how to feel. Some people just feel so guilty and hate themselves so much. And still others, well they just don`t know any other way. It`s a tough world sometimes. And we all have our lessons to learn. But you nasties won`t drag me down with you, not anymore.

Believe me, I paid my fair share of fines before it hit me that, no, ignorance is not above the law. I have learned the hard way that it`s a good idea to be aware of your actions and how they affect others. So over the years, there have been times I wasn`t exactly in my right mind but that, of course, is NO EXCUSE. So, here is my blanket request for forgiveness in case I have somewhere, somehow, sometime kicked/stepped on/violated you in any way…PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I AM TRULY VERY SORRY.

Know that I have taken extreme measures to ensure that I am more responsible with my energies. But as sometimes I can still be a little daft (sometimes I need it spelled out), if there is a certain incident you can point out, please do. I would be much obliged as it would (hopefully) prevent me from re-offending in the same fashion (Sis, I apologized long ago for drawing all over your favorite doll with magic marker…get over it! Please!?). Plus it will give me the opportunity to apologize properly making us both feel better. Hey look, this is a serious plea to help shorten my record with the karma police…I need all the help I can get.

Things have been pretty tough lately and I just don`t know how much more I can take. And don`t be worried about hurting my feelings! Unrealized guilt and unconscious mistakes are sooo much worse. I am not religious and I don`t even really know what to think of spirituality. If God IS home, maybe the connection is down. Or maybe I am just too dim receive the messages. No one is returning my calls! All I know, is that I want to feel better so I am doing everything I can think of to increase my chances. Wait a second…hum…it`s starting already! It`s coming around! Phew! I thought I`d never get through! Well, THANK GOODNESS!

So on that note, time to go home. YES! I MISS MY FAMILY! It`s getting too cold here anyway. I follow the sun and home is where it`s at. So after recharging my batteries and getting some good ol`fashioned home lovin` maybe I will go again…whereshegoes2?

Wow, I have to say thank you to all the tremendous support from my friends around the world. I have only met so many of you through email but its bizarre how your kind and wise words have come at the most timely moments. Remarkable. There are so many of you that I feel like I know so well, having been together through my highest peaks and lowest pits. Words cannot properly express my gratitude but know that if I ever get the opportunity, to redeem this cyber hug for a real one would be my honor.

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