Seeing Blind Faith – Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

I was feeling really lost and out of my element as I was walking around the streets of Chinatown in KL. I visited some hostels and just did not get a good feeling. Beven kept saying that things were “Shocking!” I tended to agree but couldn`t stop laughing at his accent and the context and frequency that he would say it in.

I tried to book a ticket to Thailand but I just could not get my head around it. I was feeling very unsettled and it wasn`t getting better. I think the incident that began the downward spiral began when I got off the train. I walked through the train station as I came face to face with a man that was clearly blind. He was being led around by a young boy no older than 4 who glowed silently like an angel.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I peered into the mans` eyes and saw nothing but an empty milky whiteness. I have never witnessed someone without color in their eyes. I wanted to drop to my knees and scream at the top of my lungs at this injustice. For a child to be burdened with such responsibility. An child who willingly and dutifully guides such a broken desperate soul.

I wanted to gather them both up in my arms and take them to a better place. A place where the maimed and wounded can feel the children dance among the flowers with puppies and kittens bounding at their feet. I froze as I stared in disbelief as the disturbingly peaceful duo made their way safety onto the metro.

The blind innocent responsibility coupled with such horrifically tragic dependence resonated deep within my soul. I have experienced this once before. As the two ambled along hand in hand, I felt my heart short circuit as I observed an alarming display of Gods` graceful protection.

I have much to do here but I realize I am not quite ready. I trod through the streets feeling broken and raw. Why? I could feel sharp shards of bitter helplessness poking at my soul. I did the only thing I could do at that moment. I walked purposely to the airline and booked the next flight out.

I cannot help others unless I take care of myself first. I am not well at the moment and need badly to recharge. I fear that my physical health will worsen unless I begin to relax and focus. And it is not possible for me to do that as I standby watching the world crumble around me.

I knew that I should eat something so I went to a cafe after wandering aimlessly through the airport waiting for my flight. My appetite virtually nonexistent, I forced myself to ingest what would normally be a very tasty Malaysian beef dish. But today I could barely feel the spices stinging my tongue. I could only feel a numbing ominous cloud of hopelessness.

Outside, a furious storm pelted the earth – shattering cracks of thunder competed with the empty silence in my core. Myriads of light vied with the dark depths of despair pulsing through my veins. The fantastic show stirred me from my lethargic daze. I could feel the tears pushing furiously against my lids. I absentmindedly began to gather my bags with the intention of finding a dark corner in this lonely expanse.

Suddenly, Kevin the manager of the restaurant, appeared with a cappuccino and a compassionate ear. He admitted he was concerned because he had noticed by my disposition that I was not well. I was touched by the genuine concern in his eyes. He listened carefully as I apologised that this was not me. Then told him the story and explained how I got here.

We talked about balance and faith – I began to feel my self coming back. A faint glimmer of recognition caught my eye. He brought me more food and drink before walking me to my gate. As I turned and waved before stepping out of Asia, I once again felt Gods` hand on my heart.

As I flew out of the storm, I questioned the stars. I searched for some sense, some peace. I felt an incredible pressure welling up in my chest. I covered my head with the airline blanket just as the first tear crept down my cheek. I closed my eyes, bowed my head and allowed the tears to smash through releasing the pain I have kept shackled in my soul for so long.

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